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Damn, I want to be proved wrong right now.
Jun. 3rd, 2007 01:04 pmI know it's only been 2 1/2 days, and to some that would seem like i'm giving up too soon, but I know she's not soming back.
I felt her die, around 11 o'clock-ish on Thursday night. it was the same feeling I got when my last cat died, and when Quinn died. I felt her soul disconnect.
Still, part of me wants to hold onto that little bit of hope, so I will wait before I give her medication to the other cat (they were on the same pills), and take the bag of food back for a refund. It makes it feel like it's not really over.
On one level I know she's gone. That means forever. I will never be woken up by her wet nose on my eyelids. I won't come home to her telling me off for being gone so long. When I'm feeling sad and lonely, I will just have to deal with it myself, because she won't be there to purr at me.
And when i sing, she won't sit with me and listen.
On another level, I just can't comprehend all of that. She's been a constant undercurrent of my life for over 18 years.
She was the most consistent, stable thing in my life, over my entire life. She gave me a reason to keep going at times when I felt I had nothing else.
That can't be gone. That can't be over.
I'm glad I did all of those tings that I'd have otehrwise regretted not doing. I recorded her purr on my cellphone, and took photos whenever I thought she looked cute. I did all I could for her to make her life good, including giving up half of my bed so she could eat where she felt safe (that's an upside...no more jellymeat on my pillows). I gave her lots of cuddles on Wednesday, when she was all smoochy and affectionate (never trust a cuddly cat, they're up to something...often dying).
Sophie's been trying to fill the gap. Last night she sat on the back of my neck while I was eating my dessert, and tried to steal my ice cream. She even tried to smooch...but a persian face is not really smooch capable, so she just sniffed me gently. She's a good kitten.
I fell a bit strange. My dad is all enthused to go out searching the neighbourhood and put up posters etc, but I'm feeling rather over it. It's too late. I just want to do my essays.
I felt her die, around 11 o'clock-ish on Thursday night. it was the same feeling I got when my last cat died, and when Quinn died. I felt her soul disconnect.
Still, part of me wants to hold onto that little bit of hope, so I will wait before I give her medication to the other cat (they were on the same pills), and take the bag of food back for a refund. It makes it feel like it's not really over.
On one level I know she's gone. That means forever. I will never be woken up by her wet nose on my eyelids. I won't come home to her telling me off for being gone so long. When I'm feeling sad and lonely, I will just have to deal with it myself, because she won't be there to purr at me.
And when i sing, she won't sit with me and listen.
On another level, I just can't comprehend all of that. She's been a constant undercurrent of my life for over 18 years.
She was the most consistent, stable thing in my life, over my entire life. She gave me a reason to keep going at times when I felt I had nothing else.
That can't be gone. That can't be over.
I'm glad I did all of those tings that I'd have otehrwise regretted not doing. I recorded her purr on my cellphone, and took photos whenever I thought she looked cute. I did all I could for her to make her life good, including giving up half of my bed so she could eat where she felt safe (that's an upside...no more jellymeat on my pillows). I gave her lots of cuddles on Wednesday, when she was all smoochy and affectionate (never trust a cuddly cat, they're up to something...often dying).
Sophie's been trying to fill the gap. Last night she sat on the back of my neck while I was eating my dessert, and tried to steal my ice cream. She even tried to smooch...but a persian face is not really smooch capable, so she just sniffed me gently. She's a good kitten.
I fell a bit strange. My dad is all enthused to go out searching the neighbourhood and put up posters etc, but I'm feeling rather over it. It's too late. I just want to do my essays.
